I haven't really taken too much time to analyze why I find these two occasions particularly depressing. Perhaps it is the endless quest of deciding what to do, but in the years of experience I find the best solution is either to do absolutely nothing which involves eating delicious food and spending the evening indulging in the pleasures of a lover, close family, friends or anyone to hold a good altering conversation with.
Entering a new year of life, either by birth or calender, in an intoxicated, hungover state never was very much appealing to me. It seems the contrary of what we deeply wish for. It's as if with every recreational drug use or sip of alcohol we imagine some magical wisdom coming into our bodies and minds to liberate us from the terrible sober existence that is YOUR real life. Only to wake to dehydration, forgetfulness and the same life. If you want your life to change then YOU must do something DIFFERENT, then the same ritual and habitual activities.
In my recent reading of some Sufi literature from perhaps the 70s coming out of the 60s. They have suggested that recreational drug use such as LSD, mushrooms and other psychoactives (natural or man made) had given people false enlightenment, meaning that they were enlightened to something for a short time of consuming the drug, but soon after the effects wore off they returned to being robots. It is suggested that the way to true FREE WILL or enlightenment is through powerful mental exercises such as meditation. I tend to agree with this idea, for sometime I have suspected it to be true.
Through out MY life I have had many chances to contemplate in isolation. Times waiting in or driving in cars, long bicycle rides, poverty, elevators, home alone, ferries, airplanes, waiting rooms, bathrooms, showers, etc..In those times I clear my mind and concentrate on the present state of being. I ask myself how I came here and how this place came to exist. Once I move beyond these I allow my brain to open itself and look inside, to explore my thoughts and behavior and to be honest with myself. This reflection ultimately leads back to civilization and then the physics of the universe or the existence of anything at all, which out of all phenomena is THE phenomena and there is nothing left to do but smile and love.
I recently wrote a letter to a friend in which I discussed this topic of spirituality and meditation. I mentioned that to me, the objective of most religious or contemporary spirituality is to let oneself be undone and to rid yourself of preconceptions, to allow every experience to be new and enjoyed. But this seems to be a circle in which we return ourselves to something like, ignorance is bliss, but achieved through knowledge, acceptance and appreciation. I likened it to the experience of a Gold Fish with a 3 second memory. That everything becomes renewed and therefore grossly enjoyed. That may sound really cynical, because I enjoy most of my connotations from previous experiences, and I do use them to make expectations, but not exclusively. But there are exceptions that apply to most, the MOST that operate on auto pilot who are asleep 100% of the time.
I just considered for the first time that Television instantly silences the mind, again of MOST, and it is ironic since we work so hard to achieve the silencing of our thoughts for deep meditation and spiritual growth. I suppose the difference is that TV silences all thought.
I wish I could articulate these ideas clearer, but the medium is always an obstacle.
