Bus living is tough, one might envision, and one has envisioned this no strings attached mobile living situation, traveling, living anywhere, especially that idealistic field in the country side, perhaps there are sheep running around, cows grazing, or perhaps a seaside picture. But this is not the case, it is more disgruntled faces of folks wanting you to move on, folks who say to Nando, and I quote, " I use to be a Dead Head." Nando's expression is priceless, his face is absolute cultural mis-communication, I see WTF in the wrinkles on Nando's forehead as he looks to me as an interpreter. I want to laugh so hard, but my laughter is always condescending to both parties, so I restrain.
I explain to Nando, I explain here, I explain to my parents, I explain to children and even our friends. This is a commitment, this is a choice to rebel against the shit. The rent, the bills, the constant work. And this is what is in our hearts, but in reality I think we spend so much time working on developing a framework for ourselves that it ostracizes us out, we become black sheep everywhere, we only find solace in our other bus family friends and they are one pair in the world.
We always console ourselves with the idea that everything we suffer for only allows us greater opportunities in the future, richer educations for our children, unique experiences had by none, but some where else we punish ourselves with the whys of going against the flow, the battle of rents, material comforts and as the sweat drips from our brows and we force ourselves to read books, play games and smile for our children, we raise our eyebrows and say yes this is hard and I don't know how to remedy it.
During the visit to my parents houses Luciano got indoctrinated with television, I would sit and watch with him, all the stories had good vs. evil and my favorite and most difficult to digest is the ...Ever After.
My obsession with this began in Suburbia outside Jacksonville. Death is so much more apparent in suburbia, in deep routines and efficiency there is little room for non linear thinking. Day after day the same, waiting for retirement, a quick calculation of the rest of your life. Wake up NOW, Work NOW, Drive NOW, Home NOW, Eat NOW, Shower NOW, TV NOW, Sleep NOW, repeat Endless.
TV, Movies and media saturation propagates the belief in this lifestyle, as Chomsky says: manufactured consent.
Although if one begins to analyze the content of popular films, novels, tv we always end with an "ever after". A main character ventures through a struggle, a battle, any conflict and ends up with resolution. Most of these heroes or protagonists would never allow themselves to settle into a stagnant tv watching lifestyle and if the audience would ever recognize that their hero, the character in which they are suppose to identify with, would never find themselves settled into an an armchair staring absently into a void while this world of ours moved around us in such a hideous way, these characters would slap them (you) in the face and say "WAKE UP", and then everyone across the plugged in globe would stand up, go outside, rally together, hug their neighbors, kiss their wives, play with their kids and take down big business everywhere.
After all, "Ever After" must entail enlightment, since life never changes, just perspectives. Struggle against adversity creates enlightenment, one comes out on the other side altered. Every character I have encountered ends up with greater consciousness or commits suicide, which may also be attributed to a lesser ideal of enlightenment (maybe an existential enlightenment).
So there must be levels of contentment and enlightenment. There is no ultimate enlightenment as we are never content or all knowing. Cinderella ends up with Prince Charming, the end?, no, they argue over what to eat, she becomes frigid because she is Earthy and longs for a nude swim in the river on a full moon and he is appalled that his princess would be nude in the peasant's river. It's never "Ever After", it is only for a moment and no matter how many summers I sweat in this bus or suffer my own self criticisms of not pushing the envelope in the right way or living up to my unrealistic expectations of myself as a parent and advocate of the philosophies I hold so dear to my heart, I believe that it is all for the best. That the outcome will outweigh the banal comforts of a regular life. That if life is worth living that there must be constant struggle and inner peace with this struggle. A great enjoyment of evolving and living up to a greater cosmic vibration and in the end you leave this body and sigh just in time to catch your breath.
The film never continues, if it does it becomes a B-movie or someone got smart about this and devised a prequel, in which you never have to see Cinderella old, longing to be nude in the fields and remorseful about her turn over to an elitist empire. One might argue that Prince Charming loved her so dear he facilitated her witchy dancing or even denounced his crown for a simple life. But still would he be happy on mead and cheese, of course not, it would just be another placating ploy to make the audience to believe that there is a situation of a linear non changing plateau of happiness and this specific story places the happiness of one upon another, a complete co-dependent relationship. But I digress.
We look at our children and see mirrors of our own attributes that run so deep we never even considered that they were our own. They were there, left untended, grew wild and now that we ask them to stop, our lives shift in order to mold better versions of ourselves, as gently as possible weeding the worst out and fertilizing for the best. We pursue our intuitions, we follow our hearts and hope that our children will do the same.
